everything in it's right place

June’s new found freedom has come at a cost: We have had to “June proof” rooms in the house now when she’s on the go. She’ll eat dirt from pots or Townes’ food, she’ll splash his water all over the kitchen, she’ll knock things off of shelves and empty things out onto the floor.  Nicole and I currently feel like we have to stay one step ahead of her at every turn and clean up her mess like a FEMA disaster response unit.

Other STXBP1 parents have described half dressed Christmas trees, child-proof gates, locks in crazy places, and intricate fortresses made with house hold items - all to keep their STXers from destroying their homes.  

Will June, the most peaceful and calm mannered person I know, become a proverbial bull in a China shop? 

As she gets older, June may challenge some of the more anxious and unreasonable parts of me. Everyone who knows me, knows that I am obsessive compulsive with object placement. I can’t sit in a chair if something looks out of place in a room, I’ve moved plants in the garden from one place to another at an alarming rate, and the first thing I do after I get off work is walk around and put things away that the girls have spread around.

Go easy on me June. Go easy.  I’ve got a lot of growing and learning to do myself. 

Will I end up hunched over in a corner, curled up in fetal position, aggressively humming the opening song from “Kid A” one day? I’m going to have some long days ahead of me if 1) she takes to this STX trend and 2)  I don’t learn to make peace with it. 

So maybe I can draw from a simple lesson in patience and peace: I could let my obsessive compulsive behavior get the best of me, or I could choose to see the best in myself and the best in June. As June gets older, becomes more mobile and maybe starts to knock things about, it means that she will have gained new abilities, she’ll be exploring her curiosity and she‘ll be discovering the world. 

I could stop her from knocking every vase over, or I could pay attention to the delight in her when she knocks the thing over. I’m going to do my best to appreciate her constant threat against order for what it truly is: freedom.